Wednesday, 20 November 2013

The funniest 'Ujinga ni' jokes

- kumwagia plants tusker eti una refresh their roots.
--ujinga ni dem kuvaa tisho ya nimechill na ako ball
-kukatia dem kwa church hadi una offer kumlipia sadaka.
-ujinga ni kukaa kwa mat mbele na dere then unapenduka kumwamwambia kondakta shukisha....
-kuenda media house kuomba kazi yakuosha vyombo vya habari.
-ujinga ni nurse kuamsha mgonjwa ameze dawa za kulala
-kupeleka slimpossible compe turkana.
-ujinga ni kuingia kwa ward ya wamama waja wazito thn unawagotea"niaje wazito"
-ujinga ni nurse kuamsha mgonjwa ameze dawa za kulala.
-ujinga nikuenda sunday school boarding. lol...
-ujinga ni kujaribu kushindana na wakenya long distance
-ujinga ni dem kuvaa tisho ya nimechill na yet ako ball.
-haiiiiiya! ujinga ni kuchana veve na lollipop, ati ni swag.
-kusave mpango wa kando ati private no! kisha anakutext!
-ujinga ni kuambia kiwete akanyagie stori
-ujinga ni..... konda wa mat za buru kusema "jogoo mbao,jogoo mbao" alafu mluyha anasema "nifungieko pili". lol....
-kujiita romantic na uko single
-ujinga ni kuapply lipstick kwa forehead kumake up mind yako!
-ujinga ni kudhani first born wa mama mboga anaitwa "mboga"
-ujinga ni kureduce volume ya radio ndo usome sms.
-kukatia chali wa church hadi una offer kumlipia sadaka.
-a luhya man, fainted outside kenchic. a crowd gathered n someone from the crowd said "give him water, he will be fine". he opened one eye n said "toka hapa wewe. ningetaka maji, ningefaint nje ya nairobi water company!!" lol...
-ujinga ni kushow uhuru aende hague na national anthem inaxema tukae na uhuru
-kusave mpango wa kando private no! alafu anakutext!
-kufungia mshuto kwa choo
-ujinga ni kufungua gym turkana
-kufungua duka ya tatoo southern sudan
- kuruka line vct
-nyama kuungua ukisoma gazeti ulifungiwa nayo
-kupeleka vitz kwa car wash badala ya baby shower
-kubuy beer ingine moja ukitegea fare ishuke hadi mbao

Monday, 4 November 2013

F***ing Everday is good for your health

1. F***ing once a week is good for  health,but its harmful if done everyday.
2. F***ing gives proper relaxation of mind n body.
3. F***ing refreshes you.
4. After F***ing don't take heavy food but liquids should do.
5. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol levels.
So 'FASTING' is good for your health....!a

Messi can't sex a woman

One day Lionel Messi had two girls and decided to take them home while there he refuced to have sex with them they asked why and he said, "i can't perform without Xavi and Iniesta."

Dead Pussy

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy.

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.

Jesus is watching you!!!

One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" while he rumagged through the desk.

He replied, "Who said that?!"

Once again he heard the same thing, "Jesus is watching you!"

The robber looked around the room only to see a parrot. He asked the parrot what its name was. The parrot replied, "ocampo."

The robber said, "What kind of a name is that?! Who names a parrot that?!"

The parrot said, "The same person who named that rottweiler behind you Jesus!"

NO WEAPON MADE AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER

A baby was born laughing really hard with its fist tightly closed, chuckling and dandling happily. Everyone in the room was perplexed, wondering what's up with the baby. One of the confused nurses unfolded its tiny fingers and found a birth control pill!!

An Arab national is interviewed at the Embassy for a visa

CONSUL: Your name please?
ARAB: Abu Zina.
CONSUL: Sex?
ARAB: Every day.
CONSUL: Er, I mean, male or female?
ARAB: Dont matter, sometimes even Camel.
CONSUL: Holy cow!
ARAB: Yes, cows and donkeys too.
CONSUL: Isn't that hostile?
ARAB: Hosstyle, Dogstyle, any style!.
CONSUL: Oh dear!
ARAB: No deer! Asshole too tight and run too fast.

Sunday, 22 September 2013

Only Boys Wish With a True Heart

Boy to girl before exam-Best of luck!!
Girl-To u too!!
Girl got 99% nd boy fails!!
MORAL-only boyz wish with true heart! !!:(

Macho man and Caprice

A typical macho man married a typical good looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?" His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night, whether you're here or not."